For people who are new to my musings, hello! I’m a girl – just your average 22 year old trying to achieve her dreams, while maintaining inner peace in this fast paced world. Do you remember how we were taught the difference between boys and girls, somewhere around the time we were entering our teens? It was essentially taught to us with a good intention, which was to protect ourselves from feeling unsafe and unappreciated in certain situations. This difference was mainly taught to make us understand the importance of self respect, of how we should never let anyone treat ourselves like a door mat and stand up for what’s right.
But now, as I let my mind wander with a hot cup of tea in my hand, I feel that we would have been better off not knowing this difference. I would even go to the extent of saying that sometimes, I wish I wasn’t born a girl. This has nothing to do with social issues or anything remotely discriminatory, in any context. Don’t get me wrong, of course all of us should know to safeguard ourselves, mentally and physically. But then, maybe, the world would have been a better place if one gender wasn’t forewarned about the dangerous methods of the other. Agreed that I don’t like certain wrongdoings commonly associated with a particular gender, but like they say, it’s not necessary that the entire gender indulges in those wrongdoings. Maybe over time, over- protective elders just let certain stereotypes prevail, in the false hope of protecting their loved ones.
Let me share a small example with you. There were times when I was told to ‘not hang out with boys so often’ because ‘they are not trustworthy and can misuse your trust’. So like any good kid, I agreed. I mostly stuck to my girl gang till my high school. My high school years had some of the biggest life altering moments for me. This was the time when we had a small taste of the real world, where we could not always hang onto our mothers’ loving caress or fathers’ protective shoulders. So coming back to my example, I saw numerous instances where the best of female friends fought with each other, never to look back, even if the said person was their childhood friend for silly reasons like a guy or jealousy. It used to come to such an extent that no party was ready for a calm discussion. Everyone was up for a cat fight and people, being the interfering insects that they were, loved to gossip about other girls than take care of their own business. Most of this was due to girls not trusting each other enough, where they were ready to abuse each other to the highest degree, just because of some stupid misunderstanding. Naturally, this included breaking ties with quite a few family friends and being blamed for something which I never did, for years together. This was highly upsetting but I noticed something when I gathered my courage to think rationally. Coming to cases where girls were fighting over guys, the said guys were the best of friends with each other and always kept their bond sacred, never letting anything or anyone come between it. (This was the primitive ‘bro code’ of those times.)
Wasn’t it stupid for girls to be so mistrustful with their own gender? Wasn’t it silly when girls casually slut shamed other girls to gain attention of certain guys they fancied at school? I mean, come on. How much had you even experienced real life, away from your protective cocoons at home, to know about ever lasting love and loyalty? Were you really naive enough to think that everything was as rosy as your bubblegum movies or Mills and Boons novels ? Really ?! If only life was so simple!
Days passed to weeks, weeks to months and years and eventually, I saw that the said guys were still the best of buddies, not sparing a second thought for the numerous girls’ friendships where they had caused a rift, where they caused never ending damage ; most often than not, involving parents from both parties. For what, exactly?! The reasons why a few of us girls were slut shamed for, (by a few girls too) or endured personal, crass comments pertaining to our dressing sense for, were happily sipping beer in the loudest of lounges, while we wallowed in self pity over lost friendships. Bittersweet memories of the past haunted us, whenever we tried to strike up conversations with new people. Does this remotely even make sense to you?
Then why should the society remind you to be proud of being a girl, when a girl in need, is almost always abandoned by her own community of girls? Why should you dream of having an army of bridesmaids at your wedding, like people potray on various social media platforms, when you know that jealousy and stupid misunderstandings will never let your friendship with females last that long? Should you really hope for a ‘girlfriend’, (and I mean that in a platonic way, in case the millennials misunderstand.) ‘your person’, someone who can teach you how to do perfect make up or wear cute dresses with killer heels for your date, someone you can cry with – eating tubs of ice cream at any given time of the day when you know that gender-wise you’re never going to have that in your life? Isn’t it better to be realistic, that maybe you’ll have a gang of brothers at the most, at your wedding and that you’ll never experience that weird feeling of seeing your female best friend getting married and going to her new home because you won’t end up with one?
This, my friends is why I sometimes feel that being born as a girl in this world isn’t as amazing as people make it out be. You lose a lot of loved ones in the process for the effort to really matter. Things would be a bit easier for guys, according to me (and this is my personal opinion, you’re free to disagree) where atleast you’ll have each other’s backs, no matter what.
Thus, I am distinctly disappointed.
Distinctly disappointed with my own gender.
– From a 22 year old, still waiting for someone to restore my faith in my community of girls.